Miscarriage Survival Tips: That saved my life!

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As you all know I’ve had 5 miscarriages, 2 being ectopic. In this post, I’m going to share with you my miscarriage survival tips that saved my life…literally!

Miscarriage is such a devastating process. It can take weeks to physically heal and years to emotionally heal. One thing about miscarriage is you never forget!

I remember each occurrence like it was yesterday. Although you don’t forget, you learn how to live through the pain.

Here are some things that I did to help me survive the miscarriage process.

Cry!

This was a big one for me. I had to learn how to just cry. I had to learn how to let myself go there emotionally. I had just lost my child and I just tried hiding behind a smile. I tried to pretend as if it was just a fluke, better luck next time.

A wise woman once told me, “It’s okay to not be okay.”

After my first 3 miscarriages, I’d just say give me one day to grieve and I’ll be fine. In actuality, I needed more than just a day! It’s been 6 years since my first miscarriage and I still get teary eyed sometimes thinking “what if”.

I sometimes wonder what my son would have been like, what would he have looked like. I replay it over and over in my head. You have to cry.

You have to acknowledge your pain. Allow yourself to go there. Tears are prayers too.

Join a support group.

At first I was too embarrassed to join any groups. I’d just stalk them online and read everyone’s testimonials, journeys and cries for help. Then I joined a few online groups but never put my real name or profile picture because I was afraid someone I knew would see me there.

Don’t be embarrassed!

Join a group rather it be online or in person. I joined online groups through baby center.

These women know your struggle and understand your pain. They are there to help you, pray for you and give you hope. You’re going to need those words of encouragement, those success stories, someone to answer a question you have about something in particular.

Also, after I appeared on the Fox 4 segment: Love, Loss, Love, I made friends with 4 beautiful souls that I reached out to in my times of doubt and discouragement.

I attended a meeting with Hopeful Hearts Women’s Ministry where we all shared our stories and prayed together.

I’d highly recommend joining a group rather it be online or in person.

See a counselor.

Here’s another one that I was too embarrassed about. Yes, I do see a counselor. I started seeing a counselor after my 3rd miscarriage. By this time, I had cried all I could cry. I was so heart broken I didn’t know what else I could do.

I felt as though I had done everything right and still miscarried. I was taking vitamins, eating better, working out, went to see a Fertility doctor, took pregnancy test like clock work, I mean I was on top of it. Yet, I still miscarried?

I had gone completely nuts. I was snapping at everyone, I found myself being very envious, very cold-hearted and I didn’t want to be this way. She helped me unravel things in my life and get to the root of my behavior. I believe I became an overall better person after taking this big step. Seeing my counselor changed my life.

Pray!

I can’t stress this enough, pray, pray, pray! Prayer gives you a sense of peace that you cast all of your worries on the Lord.

You MUST tap in to your deepest level of faith and believe that God will see you through. I would always pray for what I wanted and how I wanted it done.

Gratefully, God does not operate that way. I say gratefully because his plan is always so much better than mine in the end. My prayer now is that God gets the glory out of my situation. I never thought in a million years I’d be an infertile recurrent miscarrier. But God had a plan for my life.

I pray that God uses me in whatever way he sees fit. I pray that women will stand up and speak out about miscarriage and infertility. I pray that God blesses me with the opportunity to mother a child in whatever way he sees fit.

My good friend Rachel at Hopeful Hearts said it best “We are deserving of nothing”. In the last meeting I went to, she suggested that we talk to God and pray about why our hearts desired a child (or another child). I prayed and God revealed to me why I desire a child. That’s another post for another day.

But yes! I cried, I joined groups, I saw a counselor and I prayed! These are a few tips that I’d suggest to any woman going through miscarriage and infertility. The reason I say they saved my life is because, I don’t know where I’d be if I had not done those things. Miscarriage is heart breaking, discouraging, and can cause so much emotional damage.

I am still learning, growing and coping every day. I pray that you find peace and understanding through your journey.

What are some tips that helped you survive miscarriage?

20 Comments

  1. Haute and comely

    June 22, 2017 at 8:39 am

    Omg I can resonate so much. I had to stop midway and let out a sigh. Cry, it is a prayer too. That rings a bell so much. When I could pray and all I could do was cry. Thanks for sharing.

    1. Dee

      June 28, 2017 at 8:44 pm

      Thank you so much for reading!

  2. Stefanie

    June 22, 2017 at 9:07 am

    That´s a though one… I had a friend who had a misscarriage and she was devestated! I can´t imagine how you must feel in a situation like this! But I`m sure your tips will help a lot of people going through this hard situation!

    1. Dee

      June 28, 2017 at 8:41 pm

      I pray these tips find their way to someone who needs them. Thanks for reading!

  3. Filled Cup

    June 22, 2017 at 2:20 pm

    I miscarried really early on in my pregnancy but because we had been trying for almost a year, the loss was deep. Now, a year and a half later, I’ve failed to get pregnant. It hurts thinking about that miscarriage and so many people tell me I’m lucky it was an early one. The loss is still deep. Thank you for sharing this.

    1. Dee

      June 28, 2017 at 8:38 pm

      Can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard those words. You’re in my prayer and I know it will happen for you in God’s timing. We are still trying after 5 losses and no tubes! Never give up, regardless of the circumstances. Thanks for reading!

  4. Farah

    June 22, 2017 at 2:24 pm

    My friend had a miscarriage and it was so sad. These are great tips. Thanks for sharing your story. Stay strong.

    1. Dee

      June 28, 2017 at 8:35 pm

      Tell your friend if she ever needs someone to talk, I’m here! Thank you for reading!

  5. Lisa

    June 22, 2017 at 3:33 pm

    It is so important to share honestly about painful things in our lives. I really appreciate this post and even though it brought up memories of our own loss, I am grateful for reading it, as it also reminded me that I am not alone. Prayer is powerful, I will pray for God’s blessing upon you, and for peace and hope in you.

    1. Dee

      June 28, 2017 at 8:33 pm

      No sister, you are not alone. Thank you for your prayers and thank you for reading!

  6. Angela

    August 7, 2017 at 11:30 pm

    Thank you for writing this post! I get inspiration from those who have experienced pain and loss but are courageous enough to share in order to help others. Love and prayers for you and your readers.

    1. Dee Ervin

      August 8, 2017 at 12:33 pm

      Thank you for reading!

  7. kristal

    August 7, 2017 at 11:31 pm

    I feel like more women to hear about this. So many people struggle with infertility and other problems with having babies. I am glad you are sharing your story. I am sure you can help lots of woman without really knowing it.

    1. Dee Ervin

      August 8, 2017 at 12:32 pm

      That’s my everyday prayer, that God will allow my story to help someone. Thank you for reading.

  8. Alina Marcu

    August 8, 2017 at 3:08 am

    This is such a warm, and inspiring article!!! As a woman, I know how drama creating can be having a miscarriage and I am totally with you in this!
    May God bless you!!!

    1. Dee Ervin

      August 8, 2017 at 12:31 pm

      Thank you for reading!

  9. Tee

    August 8, 2017 at 4:15 am

    OMG, I’m so sorry you went through that. One of my best friends went through it a couple of times and while she’s a very happy person in general, talking about it changes her completely – I can feel the emotions. My prayers are with you! This post is well-written!

    1. Dee Ervin

      August 8, 2017 at 12:30 pm

      Funny that you say that about your best friend, people say the same about me. No one ever knew what I was going through until I made it public. Thank you for your prayers and for reading.

  10. Nancy

    August 8, 2017 at 11:34 am

    What a great post for people who would go through such a tragic event. I’m sorry for your losses and hope this brings guidance to those who need it. I think the “crying” portion is important. Sometimes it helps to let your body just let go and feel emotions.

    1. Dee Ervin

      August 8, 2017 at 12:28 pm

      I totally agree! Thanks for reading.

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